The Wallace Collection

There was a small museum for kids when I was growing up called 'Hands on House'. It was an old house converted into a museum, every room jam-packed with mini exhibits on how animals hibernate, the human body, owls, and--oddly enough my favorite--grocery stores. I think we were supposed to learn about math and coupons in it, but I was fascinated by the beepy gun you got to scan fake food items. Regardless, every corner of the house was stuffed with something and it was impossible to turn around and see a blank spot of wall or shelf. That little house had hours of things to look at.

The Wallace Collection is the 'Hands on House' version for adults. Situated in an old London townhouse, every room is stuffed with French paintings, miniature portraits, porcelain, armor and weapons.

The museum is open 7 days a week 10am-5pm. Admission is free and if you check the website, there are lots of free tours and lectures to attend as well. There's also a lovely restaurant situated in the heart of the museum.

If you're in the area, you truly don't have a reason to miss out on The Wallace Collection. Even if you're not the type of person to read every little plaque under each painting and vase, the rooms themselves are so gorgeous that you could do a whirlwind tour through the house in about 30 minutes. Kind of like when you go to an open house for a mansion up for sale, but this time you don't have to pretend to be interested in buying and clandestinely shove six lemon bars in your purse.

Besides, the wait to buy tickets to get into 'Downton Abbey' is ridiculous.

"UK backpacker dies from poisoned alcohol in Indonesia"

A fairly distressing article, but as someone who has backpacked in Asia I wanted to share it. Obviously this isn't extremely likely to happen to every person who steps foot in Indonesia or any other SE Asian country, but it's good to be aware of if you're headed there on a backpacker's budget.

The long and short of it is that Indonesia has a high tax on alcohol, leading a few dodgy characters to start moonshinin' and selling it illicitly in the form of gin, vodka, etc. However the batches are actually methanol and can lead to blindness and even death. Booze and backpacking go hand-in-hand, and it's not going to change any time soon, so it's better to be aware of this than not.

The London Eye

No, it's not the name of a clandestine underground newspaper printed in secret. It's a huge Ferris wheel new to London as of 2000. To get to the eye I took the Underground to Embankment, walked across the bridge at Charring Cross station, down to the other side, through the sea of street performers posing as robots while keeping my eyes firmly ahead, and straight up to the ticket counter.

Tickets to the London Eye can be bought ahead of time or on site--they're cheaper online. You can choose a simple ride around the wheel or add a river cruise or a glass of champagne followed by immediate regret for having drank a glass of carbonated alcohol a million feet in the air. There are also fast track passes for the burgiose, which are a good idea if you're in a rush. At night expect to see a few love birds, photographers whose cameras have apertures the size of a football field and wedding parties if not the actual wedding. Twenty-five people fit into a capsule/car so the line can go fast when it's only a few rows off the ramp. Otherwise expect a wait.

If you've never been on a gigantic Ferris wheel of doom before, be warned--they don't stop to let you on and off. You take a running start and jump in like a really lame version of Evel Knievel. It takes about 30 minutes to go around once, at which point you have plenty of time to muster your courage for the jump off.

Inside are small touch screens that point out attractions and sites once you've identified Big Ben and run out of off-hand London architectural knowledge. On a clear day you are said to be able to see 25 miles, including a lot of people looking up at the sky, surprised that there is actually a clear day to be had in London.

If you're a fan of pretending people are ants from 440 feet in the air and cackling madly while commanding them to dance for your pleasure, this is the attraction for you.

Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Persistent American Who Just Wanted A Sandwich

If you're a lover of Sherlock Holmes in any of his innumerable permutations (yes I did just link to that last one), no trip to London would be complete without a stop to 221b Baker St. When Sir Arthur Doyle originally penned the stories, there was no such address. Today there is, however, and it houses the Sherlock Holmes Museum. Entry costs £8 (~$12) for adults, £5 for children, and it is open every day of the year (except Christmas) from 9.30 AM to 6PM.

Walking to the museum from the Baker St Station takes about two minutes, and while you're in the area you can check out a bunch of small shops selling British rock n' roll paraphernalia. 

Buy tickets at the gift shop to the right of 221b after you pick up your obligatory souvenir pipe and magnifying glass. One more door down is Mrs. Hudson's cafe where you can grab a bite to eat from one of the ladies dressed in Victorian garb. Also, if you know a 'presentable young man' who is at least 6' tall, the museum is hiring more Victorian policemen to pose for photographs with children and the smitten female--and male--tourist.

221b itself is three floors--when you're let in, run up to the top floor and work your way down to avoid the other people--recreated on the first two to resemble how Holmes and Watson would have lived. Avid (rabid) fans will take note of the envelopes impaled on the mantle, bullet holes in the wall, books about bee keeping, a medicine bag with the initials 'J.H.W', a worn violin, and other items. The casual observer will notice a lot of junk as the museum doesn't really explain what you're looking at. Kind of an 'indier than thou' fan's paradise, actually.

The third floor is filled with wax caricatures that I can't bring myself to think of as I only got rid of the nightmares last week.

I think 'curios' means playing cards and shot glasses.

There's also a guestbook where you can leave your undying love for Holmes. If you're not in London, though, take heart--the museum has hired someone to answer letters written to the famous address. So grab your Hello Kitty stationary and write away.

And if you're a fan of BBC's Sherlock, you can always make your own tour around places seen in the series, much to the amusement and exasperation of your British peers.

Speedy's is the new face of 221b and quite easy to get to, if not actually eat at as they close fairly early. I went there four times and managed to miss it each time, each instance muttering "I'll be back," in a California governor-esque voice.

Despite the heavy eye-rolling of the Korean exchange students who live above the cafe and 'in' Sherlock's fictional digs when they catch you snapping pictures, Speedy's itself is pretty much rolling in the publicity, going so far to have a contest for fans to design their new Sherlock sandwich. However, be warned if you are in the area during filming, you can't get close to the cafe and will be asked to move away as recently fans have been swarming the area and being all manners of distracting. Think 'The Beatles' landing in the USA. No, seriously.

Stonehenge, Windsor & Bath

A month ago I had the privilege to visit England during its coldest spring in the last 100 years. Severely underdressed, I hopped on a bus one day for an eleven hour journey from London to Windsor Castle, Stonehenge and Bath. It's a fairly common day excursion for the curious traveller and if tour busses don't sound like a special slice of Hell to you, I highly recommend it.

If Buckingham Palace is where the Queen does paperwork and makes important phone calls, Windsor Castle is where she checks Facebook for six hours and plays with corgis on the weekend. It's essentially a home away from home, though one she's said she prefers. The castle is the oldest and largest occupied castle in the world, as I learned during a failed round of Trivia at my hometown bar.

If you're not trapped on a tour bus, getting to Windsor is easy via train. Just head to the Windsor & Eton Riverside station. 

If you have a companion who is particularly petrified by dolls or a severe case of microphobia, be sure to lure them into Queen Mary's Doll House which boasts somewhere between a hundred and a bajillion tiny little itty bitty things. Feast your eyes on tiny vacuums, chairs, houses, and soulless eyes. Alas, pictures are not allowed indoors so please imagine a scenario in which someone hit your life with a shrink ray. 

There are also gorgeous portraits and furniture and weapons on display in the State Rooms, one of the largest being the room dedicated to England's victory at Waterloo against Napoleon. American tourists will immediately notice a painting of a man who has a striking resemblance to George Washington and, eyebrows knit together in confusion, will ask the closest guide Who the hell is he? Is that--? and the guide will hand over a shock blanket and tea and calmly inform that no, no it's actually someone else.

Also around 11AM you can catch the changing of the guard by St. George's Chapel. The chapel is the burial place of 10 monarchs, one of whom you literally have to step on if you want to make it through the whole thing. (He kind of deserved it, I'm thinking was their reasoning.) St. George's is deceiving from the outside. It actually goes on and on, so allow yourself more than two minutes to explore it.

For some unknown reason, ever since I was in elementary school, I really wanted to see Stonehenge. I also thought it was in Ireland when I was seven, but I digress. I have no idea why I was so bent on seeing it, out of all the places in the world. It is, literally, a collection of rocks. While their positioning is, for someone who is an avid Jenga player, impressive, again--rocks.

I'm not sure what my seven-year-old self expected.

In a few years there will be a new Stonehenge visitor's center farther away from the monument. (They're looking for a new manager, by the way, if you've got your CV handy.) Until then, your bus parks on the other side of the highway and you run through an underpass to come up on the other side. You make your way around Stonehenge--a fifteen minute walk or five minutes if it's raining and you're wearing the stupidest shoes imaginable--and then you return to the underpass, cross it off your bucket list, maybe check in on Foursquare and call it a day.

The truth behind Stonehenge has been lost to time, but I've seen some convincing arguments for a worldly connection.

Also, apparently a guy walked into an auction and bought Stonehenge in 1915 to give to his 'none too pleased' wife. Makes coming home with a new power tool or Mercedes look a little better. Or worse, actually.

When the ancient Romans entered England, they were, understandably, depressed. They had traded sunny Mediterranean weather for, well, pretty much the opposite. Somehow--either by accident or because one of the locals showed them--the Romans stumbled upon England's only natural hot spring, and the first Sandals Resort was essentially born.

For 50p (~$1) you can sample the mineral-laden water thought to have cured many of their aches, pains, and near-fatal wounds. It sort of tastes like tap water from a Chinese restaurant in Philly. But for 50p it is probably the cheapest beverage you will encounter in England, so bottoms up.

Bath Abbey is a gorgeous piece of architecture, particularly due to its interior fan vaulting, something I'm told is fairly unique to England.

There is a fee to enter the abby. In fact there is a fee to enter most historical churches in England yet, conversely, museums are free to the public.

An hour or two in Bath isn't nearly enough. Had I taken the bus tour again, I would have skipped the return ride to London and spent the night. Trains between Bath and London take just 90 minutes.